


Still My Heart This Moment

by birdinthebeehive



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Blow Jobs, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, extended scene (sort of), inference of (but not graphic depiction of) torture, sad ending but you can imagine it differently if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 13:31:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1859811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdinthebeehive/pseuds/birdinthebeehive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-  and the two of them barely fit together on this lumpy mattress in their tiny shared room, and he can smell the mildew in the curtains, and he can hear the muffled sounds through the paper-thin walls of the O'Brians fighting again, but he couldn't imagine a more perfect moment than this, than having Steve with him like this  -</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still My Heart This Moment

**Author's Note:**

> In which Steve doesn't make it in time. Or, Steve makes it, but Bucky doesn't make it. 
> 
> Believe it or not, I started trying to write this as a pwp. It, er... it didn't take. I'm so sorry. My tumblr is rinforthewin.tumblr.com if you want to go and yell at me about how gross I am. 
> 
> Title is from Lamb's "Gorecki" -
> 
> 'If I should die this very moment  
> I wouldn't fear  
> For I've never known completeness  
> Like being here  
> Wrapped in the warmth of you  
> Loving every breath of you  
> Still my heart this moment  
> Or it might burst'

\- and this can't be real, can't be, it's better than anything he's dreamed, and (forgive me lord but) he's dreamed of this so many times, of Steve, his beautiful Steve, his best friend, the boy he's loved before he even knew the word for it

\- and he could spend forever here, with Steve nestled between his splayed legs, his eyes bright and dark, his beautiful soft lips shining wet, the sunlight streaming through the window and painting a halo through his tousled blond hair

\- and the two of them barely fit together on this lumpy mattress in their tiny shared room, and he can smell the mildew in the curtains, and he can hear the muffled sounds through the paper-thin walls of the O'Brians fighting again, but he couldn't imagine a more perfect moment than this, than having Steve with him like this

\- and he can't believe it, can't understand it, can't remember how they got here, because he swore he'd never tell Steve all the filthy thoughts in his head, swore he'd never let him find out those secrets, but he's _here,_ they're both right _here,_ naked and happy

\- and Steve's breath is ruffling the wiry hairs at the base of his cock, tickling him, and he's ohgodohgod so close to touching him there, his hands are spread wide over Bucky's hips and his thumbs start to draw maddening little circles, closer and closer

\- and his tongue reaches out to flick that little band of skin between the head of his cock and the shaft, once, twice, three times, and Bucky gasps and writhes and breathes, "f- fuckk, _Steve_ \- "

"Language," Steve tuts, laughing, looking up at him through those ridiculous lashes, and he looks almost demure like that, and how he can possibly look demure with his mouth an inch away from Bucky's hard cock is a mystery for the ages, but that's Stevie all over, isn't it?

\- and Bucky's laughing too, says, "yes, sir!", cards his hands through Steve's hair and Steve hums approvingly, lowers his head back down and christjesusyesyesyesss opens his mouth wide 

\- and those perfect red lips slide over the head of his cock,and Steve's mouth is as soft and warm and wet as Bucky's deepest desires 

\- and then he slides that beautiful mouth down Bucky's shaft and he can't help but jerk up, just once but it's enough and now Steve is gagging, and Bucky just wants the earth to swallow him up, he's babbling and apologising and Steve is laughing, looking at him with this divine mix of mischief and devilry and _joy_ and telling him it's ok, it's ok, don't worry, then he blushes up to the tips of his ears as he mumbles shyly, "guess that means you liked what I was doing, then, Buck?"

\- and now Bucky's crying, tears are leaking from his eyes and sliding down past his ears onto the mattress and it doesn't matter, it's fine, it's just one more release and one more secret to share with Steve and it's all going to be ok

\- and Steve says, "keep your eyes on me, Buck," as he takes Bucky's length in his cool hand, takes the head back into his mouth, sucks hard and wet as he slides his hand up and down, slowly at first but increasing the pace in time with Bucky's gasps and moans, and he's so good he's so good so goodsogood

\- and Bucky can feel that familiar coil start in the base of his spine, feels he's being wound up like a clockwork toy, feels the tendrils of pleasure creeping their way up one vertebra at a time, and his vision starts to blur at the edges and his hands grip tighter and tighter in Steve's hair

\- and the sensation overwhelms him and his eyes slide closed for a moment, just a tiny moment, and then

\- oh god the light the light thelightthelightthelight ohchristjesuspleasethepain  
makeitstopmakeitstoppppp -

\- and a voice, vaguely familiar but so very far away, repeating over and over: 

" - Barnes, 32557038. Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038. Sergeant James Barnes, 325 - "

"You are sure there is nothing more you can tell us, Mister Barnes?" A small round face looms over him suddenly, light glinting off the lenses of his glasses and flashing back at him. When he speaks again his Swiss accent seems to have taken on a more menacing edge. "Well. That is... disappointing." 

\- and then the pain is back and it feels as if his skull is trying to turn itself inside out to escape from the wires digging into him 

\- and he sees the small man nod briefly and suddenly everything is harder and sharper and harderharderharderrr and his entire goddamn body arcs up off the table as if he weighs nothing at all, and his eyes feel like they're streaming blood and his jaw clenches and grinds down on the words that he realises with a start are coming from him,

"Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038"

\- and suddenly he understands that those words mean

("I love you, Steve")

\- and as the distant explosions rock the lab and the small man with the glasses runs,

"Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038  
(I love you, Steve)"

\- and as the lights flicker out and the world goes cold and he knows he can't fight any more,

"Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038  
(I love you, Steve)"

\- and as the blackness comes lurching down on him,

"Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038  
(I love you, Steve)"

\- and just before his eyes close for the very last time he sees him, sees him finally in a body that his strength and his courage deserve, a dream made flesh, an impossible vision from half a world away, and he knows he can let go now. 

"(Sergeant James Barnes, 32557038)  
I love you, Steve."


End file.
